A Different Way of Looking at Emotions…
By Angie Vanderwees, Registered Psychotherapist
Many of us grew up learning that there are “bad” emotions…being told messages like “Don’t cry,” “Just get over it” or “Put on a happy face.” This has led to a society where countless individuals are struggling everyday with their mental health, thinking there’s something wrong with them and/or often bottling up these painful feelings.
Doctor and therapist Russ Harris identifies three “Happiness Myths”:
Happiness is the natural state for humans.
Reality: Humans experience an ever-changing flow of emotions.
Happiness means always feeling good.
Reality: Happiness arises as part of living a rich and meaningful life, but this also includes a range of other emotions.
If I’m not happy, I’m defective.
Reality: Life is difficult. If you aren’t happy, you’re normal.
The truth is that all our emotions are adaptive and useful (if anyone hasn’t yet seen the Pixar film Inside Out, it is highly recommended for individuals of all ages). Accepting that our feelings are a normal part of life doesn’t mean we have to suffer with them all day long. Research has shown that simply naming emotions (affect labelling) turns down the fear circuit in the brain (Lieberman et al., 2007).
Try the simple strategies below when upsetting thoughts or feelings show up…
Replace negative thoughts with the phrase “I’m having the though that…” or “I notice I’m having the thought that…” This simple technique allows us to step back and provides distance from thoughts.
Add the words “right now” after you name the feelings that are currently present. For example “I feel sad right now.” This gives the reminder that feelings are temporary.
Ask yourself, what do I most need right now, and are there any healthy ways to meet those needs? For example, having a need to let it out might mean journalling, a need for comfort might be a cue to reach out to a friend etc.
In his book and online program called “The Happiness Trap,” Russ Harris takes this approach further with his principles of ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), with a piece called “beyond acceptance.” This goes into some questions are reflections which can lead to treating an emotion as an ally, rather than a threat.
For example, “What values is this emotion telling me I need to connect with?”
To learn more about reframing emotions and how strategies from ACT can help you, reach out and have a free chat with our psychotherapist Angie.
Angie Vanderwees
Registered Psychotherapist
References
Harris, R. (n.d.). The happiness trap online program. The Happiness Trap. https://thehappinesstrap.com/
Leiberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., & Way, B. M. (2007). Putting feelings into words: Affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421-428.
