By Preston Allen, Registered Psychotherapist

Men’s intimacy issues are commonly brought into the therapy office. Client’s often expressing that they or their male partners struggle to communicate, establish emotional connection, and express vulnerability. Alongside issues of experiencing intimacy, some men are afraid of intimacy, making it even more difficult to seek answers and solutions to the problems.

Men and women often have different understandings of the word intimacy. Intimacy can be defined as a feeling of closeness in an interpersonal relationship. In therapy the classic phrase to help explain intimacy is “into-me-you-see”. Intimacy is important for relationships as it allows individuals to form bonds emotionally, experientially, sexually, and physically within the relationship. Issues experiencing intimacy can stem from childhood abuse, low self-esteem, unresolved abuse or emotional issues from past romantic relationships, and anxiety surrounding sexual performance.

Making intimacy more complicated, men often struggle to communicate their feelings and emotions. Some suggest that men are not taught the skills for this during development, and that societal norms steer men away from emotions. It is common for individuals to feel that their male partners are holding their feelings and emotions back or are “closed off”. While there are outliers and some may be closed off, there is more to the story than that. Research suggests that men struggle to cope with their emotions in adaptive ways, often opting for maladaptive methods such as alcoholism or drug use, risk taking behaviours, and choosing self-reliance over seeking professional help (Bilsker, et al., 2018). This could leave one wondering whether the men themselves know what they are feeling or how they should address it?

Therapy provides a space for couples and individuals to learn the skills to express and remove blocks to experiencing intimacy. Improving the ability to engage in intimacy results in more satisfying and closer relationships, improves self-confidence, deepens sexual desire, reduces perceived stress, and an increased sense of wellness overall.

Preston Allen
Registered Psychotherapist