How can psychotherapy help my teen?
How do I best support my child?

Devor (1997) remarked, “each of us has a deep need to be witnessed by others for whom we are, and each of us wants to see ourselves mirrored in others’ eyes as we see ourselves” (as cited in Nealy, p. 105).

“My child has expressed confusion about their gender identity and that they think they might be trans. What should I be concerned about and how can therapy help my teen?”

The biggest concern for these youth are that negative messages that are communicated about transgender people can lead to the development of thought patterns like “Something is wrong with me,” “It is a sin to be who I am,” or “I’m a freak.” Internalizing these beliefs can lead to feelings of fear, worry, sadness and despair. Accompanying behaviours if these thoughts and feelings persist can be substance use, eating disorders, self-harm, and suicidal behaviours. In one study from Nealy (2017), 45% of transgender youth reported thoughts of suicide and 26% had attempted suicide.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) can be adapted within a trans-affirmative context.

The role of a CBT therapist is to:

• create a safe and trans-affirming space

• help youth to understand their experience from the lens of living in a minority group

• teach youth how to challenge internalized negative beliefs and adopt a more positive view of themselves

• assist with seeking out healthy connections and supports

With multiple risk factors for trans youth, overall clinical interventions should be focused on building coping skills and fostering resilience (Nealy, p. 125).

“What are some ways to communicate acceptance towards my child?”

• Initiate conversations about gender identity, rather than rejecting or dismissing their identity and refusing to talk about it.

• Acknowledge and respect who they are, even if you don’t understand it. Avoid pressuring your child to conform to traditional gender roles.

• Ask that other family members also respect their gender identity and defend your child when they don’t, which will help to limit shame, harassment, and abuse.

• Inquire about local LGBTQ+ social experiences for your child, such as groups or gatherings.

• Show respect towards your child’s LGBTQ+ friends and encourage them to follow positive LGBTQ+ role models.

• Use your child’s affirmed name and pronouns.

“How do I cope with losing the son/daughter I thought I had?”

When youth come out, parents may be surprised and experience many difficult emotions as well, such as fear, anger, loss, and grief. Try to hold your uncertainties or rejecting beliefs in one hand, and unconditional love for your child in the other. As Nealy encourages, “Hold love as the most important thing” (p. 176). A few ways to do that are:

• Make love more important than social norms or what other people might think.

• Focus on your child’s happiness.

• Support your child even if it sometimes brings up uncomfortable feelings.

Talking to a therapist yourself may also be helpful to provide a safe and non-judgmental space to express your emotions.

Angie is thrilled to work with non-binary and trans youth or their families, and has both personal and professional experience with the transgender community.

Reference

Nealy, E. C. (2017). Transgender children and youth: cultivating pride and joy with families in transition. WW Norton.